Anita Soorya came to the United States from Bangalore, India, when she married her husband. Soon, she became pregnant with her son, and their family grew. They lived in the suburbs, surrounded by his friends who thought Soorya's husband was a well-mannered, generous, wonderful man. But everything was not as it seemed.

"I was with him for 12 long years," she says. "He made me feel like nothing. There were constant put-downs, insults and humiliation directed toward me and my son. He bullied us into doing things we just didn't want to do. If we didn't, he would fly into a rage. We were both terrified of him. In the last years of my marriage, he started hitting me in my son's presence and shouted threats and obscenities every day."

Soorya sought support from her own family and friends, but she got none. "My family in India told me to compromise and stay with him," she recalls.

Soorya did not listen to her family. Instead, she summoned her courage and made the difficult decision to leave. But she didn't do it alone. She learned about Sakhi, a nonprofit, New York-based anti-domestic violence organization that changed her life. Sakhi, which means "woman friend" in several South Asian languages, helped Soorya escape her husband and live in a shelter with her son for several months. Soon, Soorya began attending Sakhi's group meetings regularly and rebuilding her life.

A familiar place
Soorya's story is just one among countless others like it. Though South Asians are often considered the "model minority" in American society, the community is not immune to crippling effects of domestic violence. Purvi Shah, executive director of Sakhi, explains that "violence happens across communities, religions and classes. The data indicates that across the world, one in every three women is abused in her lifetime ... Across the South Asian community, it happens in every religion and ethnic category."

But there are several organizations across the United States that are vigorously working to address the problem. Agencies such as Sakhi in New York, Chaya in Seattle, and Apna Ghar in Chicago all function in ways similar to mainstream domestic violence organizations, but they offer something unique for South Asian women—cultural understanding.

"When you have an agency that has South Asian staff members and can speak the languages, it makes a big difference," says Shah. "I think especially for the women we serve, the cultural context is so significant. Many women we work with are hesitant to contact mainstream shelters or organizations because they don't feel safe. The way in which violence works within the South Asian community is different. For example, a woman may face abuse not only from the husband, but also from the mother-in-law or brother-in-law ... That kind of understanding of domestic violence [in the South Asian community] is not something that all mainstream organizations are equipped to do."

But Sakhi and other agencies like it are prepared with that extra knowledge and training. For example, Sakhi offers support groups run in three different languages, and survivors are able to make friends with women from similar communities.

Writer Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni helped found Maitri, a South Asian domestic violence organization in the San Francisco Bay area. She adds that organizations like hers offer comfort and familiarity to women who are already dealing with a traumatic situation. "I see how comfortable the women feel, the food is the same ... just knowing you can have rice and daal, that makes a big difference. You can talk to the other women there in your own language. That's why we felt it's so important, because it gives the women a lot of comfort, to have people understand their cultural context. We understand the background out of which they've come. Joint families, for example—we know all these things."

Tools to rebuild
The services that these organizations offer vary widely, but they all try to enable South Asian women to stand on their own two feet. Apna Ghar in Chicago offers a shelter and transitional housing for women who have left their husbands. Other groups don't have their own shelters, but help women find housing and seek legal counsel. And the emotional support each group offers is invaluable.

Bharati Dev, the program director at Apna Ghar, admits that they are not able to help every woman leave every situation. Rather, their work is part of a continuing process. "This is a burnout field. There are ups and downs ... You think, 'What can I do? How can I get her from not going back?' But over the years you learn that it is a part of her own recovery. You begin to train yourself that even if she returns home, she has gained the skill of calling you back; she knows how to fall back on us."

At the same time, volunteers and workers at South Asian domestic violence agencies recognize that real change must begin with the community. That's why they participate in educational and outreach events and media campaigns to help the South Asian community rethink its priorities. "My favorite part of this job is being able to engage community members in this discussion," says Shah. "At Sakhi, we really believe that ultimately violence will end when the community engages in the problem."

Perhaps most importantly, Sakhi and the other organizations work with women to equip them with the skills they need to assimilate into society and take care of themselves. Zahida Nasim is one such woman who benefited from Sakhi's help. After she left her husband, Sakhi assisted her in seeking the resources she needed to learn English and begin taking computer classes. "[Sakhi] helped me in many ways, including helping me get back on my feet. With Sakhi's help, I applied for scholarships and now I am studying computer science at my local college," she says. "Today, I can envision a better future."

Such assistance and support is crucial to the development of the women domestic violence agencies serve. Instead of treating them like victims, Sakhi and others empower women to be survivors. Dev insists that making that distinction is important. "They're very strong, amazing women who have really survived incredible experiences. They have hope and belief and face a lot of struggles but continue to do so in the face of something better."

Today, Anita Soorya is a living example of that something better. She has changed her life, and she recognizes Sakhi's role in the transformation.

"It's been a long, difficult and often painful road, but I have so much peace now that he is out of my life. I am becoming my own person, discovering the real me who was lost in fulfilling his wishes or my family's wishes before that," she says. "Although life is hard and I am still struggling, there is a difference. When I was with him, I was merely existing—dragging myself through each day. A nagging sense of sadness hung over me. I was very depressed. But now I am living my life and I know it's OK to take care of me."